Here's the conversation I had with my kids about George Floyd when they asked me why people were breaking glass and stealing clothing from Market Place mall in Champaign. The conversation came up because a string of police cars raced in front of us heading ostensibly toward the mall as I was picking them up from their dad's house after work on Sunday. I told them that a police man had restrained a black man by putting his knee on his neck and that while he was doing so, the man died. My kids were very angry about this. They said they felt like punching the officer. I told them that a lot of people felt the same way and that was why they were protesting and rioting. They didn't understand how destruction and looting was a helpful response other than to agree that *aggression* of some kind did seem to be a natural response to hearing about someone being killed.
I explained to them that the killing was symbolic of a larger challenge facing American society -- a long history of unequal treatment of black people in our country. Suddenly we were into a very basic history lesson. I told them that before the Civil War America had slaves, most of them black. These slaves were treated like animals. These were humans that belonged to people and were beaten and whipped if they did not do what they were told. I told them that the Civil War was a war between groups of people who disagreed about a lot of things, but in particular about slavery. One group of people thought it should be abolished and another group-- rich slave owners --did not. During the war, Abraham Lincoln emancipated the slaves [insert explanation of what emancipation means], which was a good strategy for trying to win the war. Just because slavery ended did not mean that people's perceptions changed about black people -- as animals. [Insert explanation about what perception means] It's taken more than a century for our country to become as "integrated" as it is at this time, yet many people still feel like there is an internal and external separation between blacks and whites called racism. This is getting confusing to the kids at this point as they do not perceive the existence of this problem. They say to me "but there isn't a difference between black and white people." I said, well that's why the movement Black Lives Matter was created. A lot of people feel that they need to remind other people that this is true because black people aren't treated as if this were true. I told them that some other people disagree with the idea and argue that All Lives Matter, and that the Black Lives Matter movement is too exclusive. Eve's response to this was to decide she wanted to make a sign to put on our mailbox -- we were arriving home at this point -- as a solution to the problem of both Black Lives Matter and All Lives Matter: "Black Lives Matter, too. God made all people equal." Finn continued to fume about the aggressiveness of the police officer. We talked about how even though we feel like we want to lash out when we are angry, that isn't the healthy way to respond to our anger. Instead we need to use our words. I said, but sometimes people feel like their words aren't being heard either -- that's really hard... end of conversation. To be continued, I'm sure.
Being stuck in kind of a middle position with this as I happen to have loved ones on both "extremes" of this argument -- those that perceive the blacklisting of all people who value the South--and come from the South-- as racist and wrong and those who think that white people's moment in history needs to be over and the South is full of racist deplorables is highly uncomfortable. Each side thinks the worst of the other. The absolute worst. Frankly, it's exhausting for a "moderate" or middle ground gal like me. I suspect that both groups of people are more similar than different -- no matter how much they deny it. I think they are all human beings who need to focus on their shared humanity rather than the ideas that alienate them from each other. But that's me on my high horse too!
